Gaming Stereotypes – Part 1

Racking up 25+ years in gaming experience i have met and played with countless different individuals on- and offline. There are many different kinds of people out there, all (more or less) enjoying video games. Lumping them all together by assigning them to stereotypes seems awfully wrong – but i’m going to do it anyway! So please enjoy my personal list of gaming stereotypes.

Th3 “UberPr0”

Beware the UberPr0 and his noob-perishing firepower! He will 1on1 you to deth!

Beware the UberPr0 and his noob-perishing firepower! He will 1on1 you to deth!

You can already tell he’s good at his game because he’s got a player nickname that just oozes teh mad skillz! He’s the top-ranking player in any list or league you could possibly imagine for the particular game you’re currently playing – according to his own opinion at least. You may even mention any other games you like, because he will still rock at them! If you tell him different – or worse – beat him / frag him at his own game even just once, he will instantly demand a private duel and keep flaming you until you submit – hence i also call him “1 on 1 CS kiddie” or “Nerf Gun Pro” .

Also don’t even dare to embark yourself into his silly proposal, as he will drag you down to his level and beat you at it. Even if you manage to actually, literally beat him, he will possibly scream “LAG” loudly or call you a cheater or noob and just quit. There is no way to win against an Uberpr0, as he already won period in his little makeshift world! “UberPr0s” are actually quite common. You can usually find multiple of those top-ranking players more than once per evening – and they do rank on top even within the same ladder! AMAZING!

The “Noob”

If you see him you are already death! The noob is out there to get you, and he will do it unexpectedly!

If you see him you are already ded! The noob is out there to kill you, and he will do so unseen and unexpected!

Oh god! It’s a trap! Don’t fall for that name, as it is a blatant understatement, trying to deceive unsuspecting innocent sheep souls into playing games with them.  The noob will slowly devour your souls and self-esteem in no particular order! If you see that name pop up – RUN! JUST RUN! People who call themselves “noob” actually are camouflaged professional killers who play the game with some kind of new intravenous controller or neural interface and a great thirst for newbie blood!

Don’t even try to match up against them, as it probably will feel like playing a game of squash – against hulk – on a minefield! “Noobs” usually are silent and very rare creatures, which makes them just all more dangerous and deadly due to their well-crafted camouflage! They come in different naming variations  like a simple “noob” to “n0()b” or even “Teh Noob” or “nooblet”,  trying to appear innocent, making you believe that they are something less than plain professional murderers!

The “xXKillerAwesomeNinjaXx” (or just “X-Man”)

Damn right, man! xXWolVorineXx will get yo ass!

Damn right, man! xXWolVorineXx will get yo ass!

He’s what i would call a – and please apologize the lack of a more professional term – dickwad or dumbass. He doesn’t specialize on a particular genre: all he wants is just to use that one most original nickname he EVER came up with and stick (some X’es) onto it, no matter what. He will use as many “X”es as he deems necessary to finish the job, even when it’s totally not fitting the game’s theme at all (think of RPG or Adventure here). Since the “X” ill be used for just about any nickname, it can be hard to assess the exact level of dumbassery you are confronted with. To simplify things we can just refer to those kind players as the “X-Men”.

Try to see the amount of X as an indicator for inherent buffoonery – it’s almost like physics…well, sorta. Despite his “cool” name he usually just plays mediocre at best or plain sucks at understanding the game he’s currently playing. In titles like League of Legends the “X-Men” are the “Master Yi” and “Akali” players out there, prefering solo roles and equipped with the keen senses of a Lemming. The will wildly run into the enemy team, dying multiple times without any noticeable learning effect. They focus on contributing absolutely nothing to the team, and they excel at just that!

Like a twisted “Medal of Honor” their “X” automatically grants them some form commanding superiority, making them born team-leaders and leaving you with just the role of an abiding, hapless minion. Beware the “X-Man” as he is more common than you would imagine. Follow his bidding, even if it means running into your demise. Failing to do so will make you feel the consequences, like having to endure the 7x-flamer hells of greater demise!

The “Drunken Master”

EHEEEE! Your puny strategy is inferior to my bottle of sake!

EHEEEE! Your puny strategy is inferior to my bottle of sake!

He’s the one type of gamer that actually excels when drunk… or sucks balls a lot – whatever comes first. (Psst: It’s usually the latter, but don’t tell anyone, k?). “Drunken Masters” can be identified by their reckless play style that would make even “Conan” pale like a little wimpy kid (no, not talking about the Anime series here). If you follow them on their daring quest you may either reap boundless rewards or never-ending anguish – no grey areas to expect.

Whatever the outcome, the “Drunken Master” does not care about his well-being, nor that of his fellow brethren. He usually laughs at danger, sputtering a wet gibberish and incoherent words in all chat directions, making him appear either like an incredible poet or heinous madman depending on the perspective.

“Drunken Masters” can be hard to differentiate as their life only knows the extremes! Their spawning rate greatly amplifies at the weekends, where higher levels of alcoholism are commonplace. Playing with a “Drunken Master” can enlighten your game, but it will usually make you throw away the mouse in disgust and consider giving up your game-fu for good.

The “French”

Renekton obviously is french!

Well, Renekton obviously is French! (Whatever that means)

I’m awfully sorry for bringing this up, but i have yet to meet any random French person online that also happens to be a decent player.

But before you get mad at me: I’m aware that there are professional players, but i’m usually a “pub” server player, and my point stands! Whenever i meet French people online they usually come in pairs – bringing a “feel-good” friend along so they can chat (in French). And when they start, they usually continue that throughout the whole game (in French).

If there is no chat function, then you can be sure that the game features VoIP support, allowing you to enjoy free audio commentary (in French) – how awesome is that?! Whenever you kindly ask them to switch to English, they usually curse at you (in French). When you point out, that the server (or game) is international, they become either mad or apologetic, or apologetically mad. Whenever you provide reason or helpful advice after they made a mistake, they come up with their Nationality as kind of an excuse, not realizing how it is totally awkward and out of context (and doesn’t really help building up a better reputation in the first place!).

Sidenote: I know that it may be hard for French people to pronounce the English language, but i have yet to see evidence that Nationality is a subject matter when gaming. But then again, when you think about Asians ….

You will encounter the “French” mostly on EU Servers, as they are a shy and introverted bunch. They usually also have their own French servers (aka “low difficulty” setting), where you will be insta-kicked when you dare to beat them, then mutter one word in English (or any other language they do not deem worthy)!

“Silent Bob”

More rare than any epiphany you will ever have, Silent Bob is there to catch you!

More rare than any epiphany you will ever have, Silent Bob is there to catch you!

If you’ve seen the movie you know that for every cursing “X-Man” there exists a silent, likeable protagonist. In the heat of battle he remains calm, his voice a soothing balm on your ears, lowering your high blood-pressure after that god-awful instagib hell you just went through.

“Silent Bob” is not the talkative type ever, but even when he gets mad he manages to do so without changing his tone of voice. He’s the supportive player that shrugs off even the lengthiest of flame-battles with either stoic serenity, blissful ignorance or a broken keyboard. You may also call him “Gaming-Buddha” as he is a rare, higher being, well-above the affairs of us mere gaming mortals.

This shouldn’t even be necessary, but just in case you haven’t noticed: This is a personal opinion. You might feel offended by what you read, but i sure hope you do not! Please enjoy this article for what it is – an eye-winking statement about gaming and gamers in general. 😀
Listen up to what Fen has to say!

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